Spider Trax

Web Design Humour

Just a bit of fun for a change…

1. Brain surgeons, plumbers and lawyers need training to do their jobs, but anyone with a computer can be a web designer. In fact, anyone’s nephew already is.
2. The colors a client requests will always look hideous on any monitor and look nothing like they did in print.
3. Your client will love your design, then proceed to change everything about it.
4. Clients who ask for “simple” changes usually want to alter the entire menu layout and all custom graphics.
5. All clients insist they will send you content immediately. None do.
6. 10% of your time is spent building the site. The other 90% is waiting for content.
7. If you ask for copy, they will send a Powerpoint presentation. If you ask for images, they will send a Word document.
8. All clients are experts at knowing how long it should take you to do anything (even when you don’t know yourself).
9. Clients expect you to answer their emails instantaneously. However their replies to you will take months.
10. You will be provided several possible photos and none will be useable. Or they will be so huge it will take weeks to download them in an email, and a monitor the size of Texas to optimise them.
11. If a graphic artist provides you with images for a site, it will take you 10 times longer to adapt and optimise them than if you created them yourself and you probably won’t be able to open the original files anyway.
12. There is no stock photo in existence that matches the image in your head.
13. The best way to find errors in your code is to show the client a “new feature”.
14. The client will ask you to be creative, then tell you they want a site exactly like so-in-so’s.
15. If two designs are shown, a third will be requested. If a third is provided, one of the first two will be chosen.
16. If you bid for a job, it will take 10 times longer than you estimated and amass pages you never dreamt of.
17. Whatever your estimate, it will double due to additions the client insisted he didn’t want originally.
18. A client will ask for something “professional” and then proceed to inform you he wants every blinking, whizzing, whirring, twirling, boinking gif that exists - plus music.
19. Clients don’t care about accessibility or clean code - only that it’s “pretty”.
20. The clients that can most afford your rates will complain the loudest.
21. It’s your fault they aren’t number 1 on Google and nothing is selling.
22. It’s also your job to psychically create content.
23. All clients think you work for the “recognition” because their finished site will get lots of traffic that will want to use your services, so you don’t need to be paid this year.
24. A client who knows exactly what he wants is often worse than one who has no idea.
25. Global search and replace doesn’t. Proof raeders are useless. Grammer checkers don’t, either.
26. No matter how good tech support is, no one has ever heard of your problem.

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