Spider Trax

Santa Is A Silver Surfer

Much of the primary focus of accessible web design is often on relatively young users with clearly defined medical conditions such as little or no vision or an inability to use their hands. But what about the older population — many of whom have progressively deteriorating abilities?

At this time of year, we’re surrounded by pictures of a rather jolly man dressed in red. Take a closer look. See the white hair? The facial wrinkles? Yes - Santa’s a silver surfer. So what kind of problems might he face?

Our first indication that Santa might have some web surfing problems are the spectacles he sometimes wears. He’s also a little vain as he doesn’t wear them all the time. Or perhaps he just needs them for reading? Either way, it’s more than likely that he won’t be wearing them at the very moment he’s trying to sort out an online order for reindeer food. At this point, he might want to increase the text size in his web browser but, if the font size has been set in pixels instead of % or ems, Rudolph may end up with having to make do with Standard Lichen rather than the Premium brand he’s more used to ^[1]. If this results in a nose that isn’t quite so red, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Old St Nick is getting on a bit too. According to some, he could as much as 1700 years old. So it’s no real surprise that his ability to concentrate isn’t quite what it used to be. Very busy pages, animations and pages that refresh without warning all drive him up the wall. As for the sites with music…

What with all of the the noise from the elves in the workshop, the last thing he needs is the umpteenth tinkly rendition of “Jingle Bells”, complete with 4 animated snowmen, to contend with when he’s trying to sort out a present for Her Indoors. Some days, it just feels that there is so much noise and distraction that he can hardly hear himself think!

Then there’s that slight hand tremor…

Well, you’d have a hand tremor too if you had to down countless glasses of sherry and innumerable mince pies ^[2] in 1 night. Generally speaking, it’s nothing the Old Guy can’t cope with ^[3] but web sites with tiny buttons and “clicky things” are another matter entirely. If it gets any worse, he’ll have to co-opt one of the younger elves to control the mouse for him. And for a man who could circumnavigate the globe long before GPS, that’s just a little… well… humiliating and yet another sign that perhaps this younger world is passing him by without so much as a backward look.

This, of course, assumes that he has the time to wait whilst some graphic heavy, bells & whistles, page actually loads. Is it his fault that he still has to rely on a 56k modem for a connection? He has repeatedly asked his local telecoms provider when his area will be broadband ready but it seems that rural areas are pretty low on the priority list. They did suggest that perhaps he could surf with images disabled to reduce download times but, when he tried that, some of the sites were completely unusable unless you could read dark grey text on a black background ^[4].

As for the mobile…

All he did was pass a comment about being able to surf and sleigh and the next minute, The Sleigh had been fitted out with a state-of-the-art satellite Internet connection. However, space is a little tight in a sleight designed to carry toys for all of the children in the world. Plus there’s the payload-to-reindeer ratio to consider, so instead of carrying an laptop, he has to make do with a small handheld. Unfortunately, the accompanying latency problems mean that a quick game of World of Warcraft between stopoffs isn’t practical. But then, neither is general surfing much better given that most sites disintegrate into meaningless mush on the tiny screen.

All in all, Santa is rather bemused about this whole “Information Super Highway” concept. From his perspective, it’s more like an “Information Traffic Jam” full of Reliant Robins and honking horns. True, there is the odd site that behaves a little more like a Mercedes or Rolls Royce and he’s learning to recognise them immediately because they invariably mention this thing called “web accessibility“. But generally, he feels that the whole “shopping online” thing is completely over-rated — especially when you have your own workshop and an endless supply of elves.

Now, if he could just get hold of the schematics for the Nintendo DS…

[1] Although, at this point, it should be pointed out that Rudolph managed quite nicely with Free Super Saver Delivery Standard Lichen until all of that “Red Nosed Reindeer” stuff went to his head. These days, it has to be Express Delivery Premium Lichen or “no nosey glowey”. And have you seen the price of lichen lately?
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[2] And some people really ought to be licensed before they’re allow anywhere near a mince pie with a brandy bottle in their hands. All things considered, it’s just a good job he doesn’t smoke whilst working!
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[3] Although he did accidentally give Blitzen a nasty nip last year when adjusting the reindeer harnesses. Initially, there was talk of possible gender reassignment but after a few days of treatment with an ice pack, the swelling started to recede quite nicely.
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[4] He could, of course, have asked Rudolph to help with his superior night vision but Rudy was having one of his prima donna days and kept muttering about needing to rest so that he was in prime condition for his adoring fans. That reindeer is developing a serious ego problem.
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