I Have A Brain!
Yes. It’s official. I do have a brain. I must have because it was scanned earlier today and I imagine that a large empty space would have attracted some immediate comment.
It all started when I had my normal rheumo appointment. R suggested that I mention the weird memory lapses I have occasionally. At least he thinks they’re weird. As far as I’m concerned, the things he claims I’ve forgotten simply never happened. Normally, when you forget something like a film you’ve seen or a place you’ve visited, there’s a little tickle at the back opf your mind that says “Oh yes – you do have a memory of this somewhere in here. You just can’t locate it right at this moment”. That tickle is actually tremendously reassuring – even if you’re not fully aware of it.
But with these lapses, there’s absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. No reassuring little tickle. Which can be very scary and tends to mean I get anxious, upset or a tad aggressive. Or all three. There’s no pattern either. It’s not as if I forget names or phone numbers or places. It seems to be random. I forget things I’ve been told. I forget things I’ve said. I forget places we’ve been to and have to ask “Did I enjoy it?”
Anyway, R thought I should mention it to the medics. I said I would but figured they’d just laugh it off and say that this happens to everyone. Only they didn’t. One minute I’m having a perfectly normal chat with the consultant. The next, I feel as if I’ve wandered into an episode of “House” as about a dozen blood tests are ordered plus a brain MRI. So today I had the MRI.
I hate them. It’s like being wheeled into a very small metal coffin – which is bad enough (and I don’t consider myself to be claustrophobic) but then the noise starts. Like a dozen people beating the hell out of the outside with baseball bats and piledrivers. For 20 minutes. At least this time I had headphones and music to try and partially drown out the noise. But I do think that playing Rolf Harris singing “Sun Arise” to someone in that situation should be banned under the Geneva Convention as “cruel and unusual punishment”!
